Pathway to My Authentic Self

Preface for the Journey

here is a perfect pearl of joy hidden deep within every sorrow,
So believe in tomorrow.

Soon you will hear the loon wail at the moon,
Listen to the sounds living in the dark,
In time, you will hear the song of the lark,
Permeating your heart.

I wrote the above poem while recovering from kidney stone removal surgery, this September. I suspect that the movement of the kidney stones had triggered a couple of serious anxiety attacks, which I experienced a couple of weeks before the surgery. This e-book is the culmination of the personal recovery work I've done over the last few years, and the related research I pursued. Shortly after my Mother died of Alzheimer's on January 5th of this year, my anxiety and depressive episodes had become much worse and clouded my thinking and perceptions. Recently I was turned away for help from my county mental health program due to my symptoms "not being serious enough." Instead of going through an appeals process, I was able to get the help I needed from a combination of continuing with the university psychological clinic I had been going to and finding a charity-run medical clinic.

Not quite fitting in with the acceptance criteria of Washtenaw County Mental Health, inspired me to write this living e-book. I realized that there were many others faced with the challenge of mental illness in the same shoes as myself.

So I share my journey,
We can all learn from each other,
We can do more than just survive,
We can learn to live each moment fully alive,
We are all in this world, sister, father, brother, and mother.

I want to develop a living-manual and support network which will appeal to people living at all points along the ability-disability continuum. I would like to emphasize that continuum should not just be thought of as a straight line, but as a robust four-dimensional reality. Each individual has many levels of abilities and challenges with respect to differing skills and talents. Not only does each ability or challenge have its own depth, breath and height, but also an individual's many abilities and challenges are in a constant state of flux as one travels from moment to moment in time and circumstance.

Finally, I am asking individuals and organizations in the recovery and personal growth communities to share their experiences, methods, resources, advice and relevant media. I am happy to provide promotional links on my site in exchange.

I want to invite both professionals and consumers of community services
to contribute advice, comments, visions, and healing stories.

As I traveled this pathway called life, I saw many desired destinations: happiness, fitting in, wealth, health, marriage, home ownership. As I approach my 55th birthday, I realize what is most important is to live the authentic life. To be true to one's self. Part of that is to see the connection between one's self, others and the universe. We find ourselves in each other.

In our deepest pains, lies our deepest truths. Many times at night, when I am trying to fall asleep, too much of my being is devoted to shaking off disturbing thoughts. Then, I finally learn (once again till the next time I have to learn the lesson once again) to embrace my depression as part of my part of my path and say to myself, "I am just going through a depressive episode and will awake with a new perspective," On one such "morning after," the first Internet link I clicked was the link to the Youtube video below:

Please watch the above video and then read my humble attempt, on the next page, for an outline of this book.